Can NOT Using Hate Speech Be Hurtful?

Most groups at school, organizations around America, associations on the earth strive for one thing: everyone's equality. BSAs talk about an end of racism, coexist groups talk about peace among religions, and of course, GSAs talk about equality for LGBTQ people.

Ending hate speech seems like a great goal; make people seem more welcome!

Unfortunately, sometimes this has an undesired effect.

Let's say your girlfriend breaks up with you. You'd been going out for 5 years before this, and when she left you it crushed you. When you talk to your friends, often they'll try to skirt the issue, avoiding the topic at all costs.

Sometimes gay people face similar worries. After what was possibly a hard time coming out, friends might try to avoid talking about it no matter what, in an attempt to try to attain your old friendship. This often has good effects, including a reduction of gay slurs, friends understanding you more, and a sweeter relationship.

Sometimes, though, that isn't what you want. What you want is just to have your old friend back, maybe even give or take the hate speech. You know that they didn't mean anything by it, and it wasn't to hurt you by any means. You just want to be able to talk comfortably around the friend that you've known since preschool, that looked out for you, and this new person is very cautious and nervous about making you angry or sad.

I think the important thing is to have a balance. You want the old friend who you threw sand at in 2nd grade, but you also want someone who cares and understands you.

The best way to achieve this, I think, is time. Eventually, the hate speech will smooth out of the dialogue, and they'll probably realize that you haven't changed, either, by coming out of the closet. They will probably be happy to achieve what they thought had left them.

Also, if they are your real friends, they are looking out for your happiness; if you need to, just tell them that you're ok with them misplacing a word here or there, and being a little mean at times. Cause that's realistically what friends do.

And I'm sure they'll tell you:

Stay happy.

:)