Can NOT Using Hate Speech Be Hurtful?

Most groups at school, organizations around America, associations on the earth strive for one thing: everyone's equality. BSAs talk about an end of racism, coexist groups talk about peace among religions, and of course, GSAs talk about equality for LGBTQ people.

Ending hate speech seems like a great goal; make people seem more welcome!

Unfortunately, sometimes this has an undesired effect.

Let's say your girlfriend breaks up with you. You'd been going out for 5 years before this, and when she left you it crushed you. When you talk to your friends, often they'll try to skirt the issue, avoiding the topic at all costs.

Sometimes gay people face similar worries. After what was possibly a hard time coming out, friends might try to avoid talking about it no matter what, in an attempt to try to attain your old friendship. This often has good effects, including a reduction of gay slurs, friends understanding you more, and a sweeter relationship.

Sometimes, though, that isn't what you want. What you want is just to have your old friend back, maybe even give or take the hate speech. You know that they didn't mean anything by it, and it wasn't to hurt you by any means. You just want to be able to talk comfortably around the friend that you've known since preschool, that looked out for you, and this new person is very cautious and nervous about making you angry or sad.

I think the important thing is to have a balance. You want the old friend who you threw sand at in 2nd grade, but you also want someone who cares and understands you.

The best way to achieve this, I think, is time. Eventually, the hate speech will smooth out of the dialogue, and they'll probably realize that you haven't changed, either, by coming out of the closet. They will probably be happy to achieve what they thought had left them.

Also, if they are your real friends, they are looking out for your happiness; if you need to, just tell them that you're ok with them misplacing a word here or there, and being a little mean at times. Cause that's realistically what friends do.

And I'm sure they'll tell you:

Stay happy.

:)

Is "No Homo" Hate Speech?

A peer at school asked me this recently--I was surprised to find that I didn't have an immediate answer.

Argument that it isn't:
-It's just telling someone that something you do wasn't meant with homosexual intentions
-You aren't actually using it to insult or make fun of homosexuality
-Everyone says it

Argument that it is:
-By saying it, you are clearly stating that homosexuality must be completely separate from other interactions
-You make people who are gay feel uncomfortable when everything you say is followed by it
-It has a negative connotation.

So is it or isn't it? I'm not sure I can give a direct answer, but here are some thoughts:

I think it's really interesting that especially for guys, basically any show of emotion warns that you could be homosexual. Says something about our society, doesn't it, that whenever a guy says or does something with feeling or emotion, it is likely that he's gay? Gee, that makes sense, especially because apparently girls like sensitive guys...

I would say that one shouldn't say it--there really isn't any reason too. If you are doing something that actually needs it (like making out with some other guy), then maybe you should consider your own sexuality. At any rate, I just feel like it promotes a negative environment. Guys need to man up and show emotion without being ashamed. Which sounds oxymoronic. But you know it's true.

So my consensus is: don't say it. Tell me what you think though--post a comment!

Stay happy.

:)

A Safe Environment: No Hate Speech

Something very important in a happy healthy gay person is a comfortable environment.

Everyone should watch their language; you never know who will take offense at what you say, or be wounded.

If you are a conservative father, and you say the f word (the one pertaining to a gay person) constantly around your in-the-closet son, you are sending the message that gay people aren't welcome in your house, that they are mutants, abominations, devils. Obviously, this cannot be good for your son's mental health.

Percentages of suicide are much higher among GLBTQ teenagers. Can you guess why?

Home is where you should feel welcome. Family and friends are supposed to love you for who you are.

As soon as your friends start slinging "that's so gay" around, as soon as your mother gives you a lecture on how God hates gay people, as soon as everyone says "no homo" after everything they say, you crumble.

You are unwelcome where you thought you would always be welcomed.

You shelter that part of you, and, like a horrible fungus, it grows, and destroys you.

Don't be fooled by the purple prose. This is serious.

For the sake of everyone around you, please don't use words that could be potentially offensive or harmful to people.

Just, don't!

And, of course:

Stay happy.

:)