Rutgers

So it's been forever.

Between school, Scotland, and just general laziness, I haven't posted in forever.

I'm now president of my GSA and am very, very happy. Life is great.

But that isn't a good enough reason for a blog post, especially after what, a year?

Recently, a boy at Rutgers College committed suicide.

He was a freshman, and was openly gay but shy. He requested use of his room for the night to his roommate. His roomate agreed, but set up a webcam to record whatever he was doing. The gay boy ended up having sexual relations with another guy, and all of it was captured on the webcam. The roommate, apparently along with a female friend, took the resulting video and posted it online. The boy found out, and was so horrified and embarrassed that he committed suicide.

Wow. I'm actually speechless.

Why in the world would a person be so intentionally cruel, so malicious? Why did the other guy post it online? Did he think he would become more popular? Girls would like him? He'd have more friends?

How did he not see any of this coming? What an idiot.

It saddens me that there are people like this in the world. You don't have to approve of gay marriage, of gay people. But to invade a person's privacy and record them doing something they wouldn't want anyone to see, let alone the world wide web...that's just awful. Even if he was straight.

On the other hand, I think it's sad that the boy resorted to suicide. I think it was definitely an overreaction. Saying that, I don't know what his life was like, what it would become. I am a firm believer that suicide is NEVER the answer. You can always get help. (Email me if you need that help, or call TeenLine or something of the sort).

But that does, in no circumstance, change the horror I feel at this act.

A moment of silence.



Thank you for listening, faithful viewers.

Stay happy.

:)

Marriage Boycott

I recently saw an ad on Facebook that said something along the lines of:

"Gay people can't get married, so let's not get married and wear rings to show our support!"

To me, this seems stupid and faulty. It's sort of like cutting off your nose to spite your face. We're trying to gain marriage rights for everyone, not take them away from more people.

This is my theory as to what a conversation between two Supreme Court justices would sound like:

"A whole bunch of people aren't getting married in support of gay rights."
"Oh, sucks for those people."

Let's be honest here. While calling attention to gay rights, I suppose, you're not really helping the situation by boycotting marriage. The people who are opposed to gay marriage are just going to think, "Hey, those stupid gays are ruining marriage for straight people too, now!" "Yeah, stupid homos."

That helps no one.

I know we can find a better way to make a statement. This is not the right path.

If you know what that path should be, then say something. For America. For them. For liberty and justice for all.

Stay happy.

:)

The Sound of Silence

Hello. My apologies for not posting in a while.

Yesterday, as I'm sure many of you know, was the National Day of Silence.

As I understand it, people all over America (and maybe in other countries as well) took a pledge to not say a word the whole day, in order to cast light on the gay people everywhere who have to hide their true feelings, like to a conservative Christian family, or a close-minded friend.

I had mixed feelings on this day. On one hand, it's showing the pain that thousands of people go through on a day to day basis, and it forces people to look up information about the day, and transitively, about gay rights.

On the other hand, is silence really helpful?

The whole point of a GSA is a place of comfort that anyone can join to feel accepted. The goal of a GSA is to speak out against things that are detrimental to gay rights, and to make an effort to unite gay and straight people. But silence seems to do the opposite- people are even more confused, and nothing gets said about gay rights.

So maybe it should be a day of explaining, or shouting, or yelling. But I guess that's way less fun.

I tried to do a whole day of silence, but when you have to go to 6 classes, it gets tricky. Plus I forgot every now and then. But it's the thought that counts, right? I hope.

At any rate, think about it and comment, if you want.

Stay happy.

:)

Modern Family

Hello, everyone.

My apologies for not posting in a while.

Today's topic is the show on ABC called "Modern Family."

I love this show. It's hysterical.

That's not quite a legitimate reason for a post, however.

"Modern Family" is special because there's a gay couple: Cam and Mitchell.

Now, typically on sitcoms and comedies, if there's a gay couple, they're stereotypical, flamboyant, annoying, and still somewhat lovable.

These adjectives describe Cam to a T.

However, Mitchell and Cam seem unbelievably real. They are polar opposites, unbelievably maternal (paternal?) of their little adopted baby, Lily, and hysterical. The thing that always stands out to me, though, is how much they love each other and the family that they created.

The show, while it does make gay jokes, is always observant of gay rights, and I personally believe this show will do more good than harm on the topic.

I apologize for the messy wording of this article. I hope you got the underlying message?

Ah, well.

Stay happy.

:)

Washington D.C.

HOORAH!!!!

Today is a victory day--gay marriage has been legalized in Washington D.C.!

Something notable is that the supreme court had the option to turn it down but they didn't!

THIS IS FANTASTIC!

So promising for the future.

For an article about it, click here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/04/us/04marriage.html?th&emc=th

I hope you feel like I do, and

Stay happy.

:)

Audio-Visual Fun!

Hello, everyone: time for some fun media.

This first picture is from a very close friend of mine. I find it hilarious. I don't know the picture's origin...it's not mine.



The following clip is a video that can be found on

http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2010/02/johnny-weir-responds-to-gender.html

or you can just use the link I provided in the links section (Johnny Weir Article).

Johnny Weir, a figure skater, was teased and poked fun at by lots of people about his Olympics costume. This is his response. Enjoy!

GLBT...Q?

Often I wonder about the letter Q.

Why, you ask?

My wondering or your inquiry is ironic, because Q stands for Questioning.

The acronym GLBT (Gay Lesbian Bisexual Trans___) is used a lot. However, sometimes that Q is tacked on.

What's it doing there?

Some people believe that people who question their sexuality should be included in the acronym.

I'm not sure how I feel. If you read my earlier posts, you know I believe that about 80% of us question our sexuality seriously, and everyone doubts it at some point in their lives.

But does that Q belong in the slogan?

I'm not altogether sure.

On one hand, I think there should definitely be more support for people who are questioning--sometimes not completely knowing can be even harder than being definitely straight or bisexual or gay.

On the other hand, it doesn't really qualify--most people who go through these crises end up being with someone of the opposite gender. So who knows.

What do you think? Comment, please. And,

Stay happy.

:)

Links

Please check out the links on the right, by the way.

Some are great, and I'll keep adding to them.

Stay happy.

:)

Bight Me.

In GSA recently, a bisexual girl said:

"I don't think bi-sexual is the right term for me. I find girls attractive, but I lean more toward the straight side."

She decided she was "stri."

I said, no, you're "bight."

I like it. It has a certain, well, bite to it.

At any rate, I think it shines a light on something.

Someone once said something around the lines of: "About 10% of people are completely gay. Around 10% of people are completely straight. The rest of us are somewhere in the middle."

The Kinsey Scale, developed primarily by Alfred Kinsey, dictates these ideas, representing them in a graph.

For more information, go to:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale

Anyways, this means that 80% of the population doubts their sexuality at one or multiple points in their lives.

Hell, I think that stretches out into the 20% of people who are confident, too.

If you're a guy and you think, "wow, those guys' legs look good today," or if you're a girl and you think, "I wonder what my best friend would look like in her underwear," usually you then confront yourself and have a battle. This either turns out in:

a) HOLY CRAP I'M GAY.
b) That was a one time thing. I'm tired. I didn't get much sleep last night. Yeah, that was probably it. Plus I had that weird drink at lunch and I've been feeling weird since.
c) Ah well, life goes on. I'm still straight.
d) Tons of sleepless nights.

I think there is none of these are the correct answer. Some of them aren't even answers, just battles to try to achieve an answer.

But take comfort in that you aren't the only one. There probably more than 5 billion people who have felt the exact same way.

You are never alone. So

Stay happy.

:)

Showing Support

Gay rights can be a tricky subject to support.

If you are a white person protesting for black rights (earlier in the century, maybe), no one is going to brand you as black.

If you are pushing for AIDS awareness, no one is going to accuse you of having AIDS.

If you join a GSA, or show avid support for gay rights, often this leads to calling someone calling you gay.

I think that this is the prime reason more progress hasn't been made. People don't like to show support for something unless they know that they are not taking any chance by supporting it. So, people with long-time boyfriends or girlfriends will join, or married teachers.

Logically, it should follow that people who are confident of being straight should be the first to join. For some reason, this is not the case. Straight people, no matter how confident they are, rarely show support.

This is evident in the fact that 20 people have responded to my poll, but only 9 people publicly follow this blog. For however many people answered the poll, I'm sure many more people have looked at it.

Maybe it's because they just don't like the blog. Or maybe not.

People need to man up. To often in history we see examples of atrocities being committed in front of our eyes, while we sit and watch because we are scared for our own well-being.

In Nazi Germany, if you stood up for the rights of Jews, you could get killed.

If you stand up for gay rights, you could be called gay.

People still stood up for Jews. Do the same for gay people.

And always,

Stay happy.

:)

Emotional Stress Relief

NOTE: This is a long entry. Skim it if you want, and read more deeply if you are enjoying it. :)

I'm sure we all have moments where it seems like there is nothing, no one, who could possibly have it worse than you.

Your life is crap. The worst. You want to explode. No one understands.

This might sound like one of those self-help books that tells you how to deal with stress, and gives you an example including two kids with nondescript names popular in the 80s.

But there's a reason they include these sections, just like there's a reason I included that in my blog.

Everyone DOES have those moments. And dealing with them can be tricky.

For gay people, these probably occur often then most normal people or angsty teenagers. A parent just told them they were an abomination, a friend laughed nervously after being come out to, etc.

But they happen to everyone (as if I haven't stated that enough).

So I'm going to offer some suggestions in dealing with this kind of stress:

1) I don't know if this one will particularly make you feel better, but it is still good to know. Basically, no matter what you do, how hard your life is, someone probably has it worse than you. If you just failed a test, bringing your grade down, what about the kid whose parents beat him whenever he gets below a 94? Or if you're that kid, what about the boy who had to have his leg amputated when he was 5? And if you're that boy, what about the girl who has no legs and is an orphan? While this may not be reassuring, or helpful even, I think it's important to put things into perspective every once in a while. And if you are the orphan girl with no legs...please, write to me. That stinks.

2) I would like to recommend PostSecret.com; if you don't know about it, people write down secrets on postcards and send them to this guy who uploads them online. So everyone can see your secret, but have no clue who you are! It's immensely freeing. Reading about other peoples' secrets is also oddly addictive and refreshing. People really do have it worse than you.

3) DO NOT PENT UP YOUR EMOTIONS. This should really be a header for the rest of the ones to follow. This is by far the most instrumental. Think of it like a Janga tower. When you're stressed, you pull out a block. And again. And again. And while the tower might seem stable, every time you pull one out it gets slightly more fragile and unstable. Eventually, someone pulls out the last block and the tower collapses. These are the people you meet in the insane asylum. There are multiple ways to counter the falling of your well-constructed tower, however. Keep reading.

4) Vent to someone or something. Like I said earlier, everyone has issues. I think 90% of us have a good friend somewhere that we can tell most things to, and they'll understand. Friends and your parents know you almost as well as you know yourself. Just knowing that you aren't the only one struggling with your problems anymore for some reason is wildly helpful. If you get really desperate, send me an email. It can be anonymous if you want. I'll talk to you. However, if people are your problem,writing something can be useful. There's actually a reason, believe it or not, that people through history have written journals. Anne Frank certainly needed hers. You might too. Vent to a journal decorated in glitter-glue or an nameless Word Document or even an anonymous blog. It's all good. Journals won't tell your secrets, and always listens. Talk about the perfect friend...

5) Express yourself! This is my favorite one, probably. I know lots of people love expressing themselves in some way, shape, or form. Whether that's writing a song and playing it on the guitar, doodling a moose on a unicycle, dancing to some cruddy 60's song, or going on photoshop and making yourself in Paris, expression through art is great. Also, the phrases "but I'm not talented..." or "but I suck..." or "but it have no time" are not valid excuses. Firstly, if you think you aren't good, learn! Practice makes perfect. No harm in drawing a lamp that turns out looking more like a llama; only you are going to see it. The "no time" excuse bugs me to no end. I'm going to devote a whole number to it. Keep reading.

6) Have some "you" time. This one, I feel, is vital to everyone's health. Just going outside, sitting under a tree, and closing your eyes will probably do more for you then any medication someone can prescribe. The outdoors calls me usually, but I know that's not for everyone; laying on your bed, putting in headphones, and losing yourself in Queen songs works too. Or doing any of the art stuff mentioned in #5. Essentially, you need time to do what you want to do, and just relax. Sometimes this is hard, if you're in junior year and in the play and playing basketball and running a marathon soon. But often, just doing nothing for a while will help you concentrate more when you need to. Also, stop doing useless things and devote that time to your mental health. If you find yourself scrolling through some stranger's photo album on Facebook that one friend is tagged in once, you might be using your time wrong. Go chill for a little while. Your friends can wait.

7) Exercise! There is a lot to be said for physical exertion. Exercise successfully takes your mind off the issues you're facing and devotes them to moving and straining your physical self. Which can bear the brunt much more. Afterwards, the awful stuff seems less awful, and you're too tired to really devote yourself to utter sadness. Speaking of tiredness...

8) SLEEP. SLEEP, SLEEP, SLEEP. Teenagers get about 2 hours less of sleep per night than they should. Sometimes more. You can't change the time you get up for school, but you can change the time you go to bed. So get your work done, for goodness sake, and go to bed earlier. You'll love yourself in the morning. Sleep is nature's way of cleansing your thoughts, sorting things out. That's often why your dreams are so convoluted. Have you been unbelievably angry when you were little, and your parents said: "You're just tired. Early to bed tonight." While it seemed like HELL when you were little, and the meanest thing they ever did, there is a reason behind it; sleep deprivation causes drama and stress. This is also known as grouchiness, or grumpiness. This policy does not change with age; if you are especially grumpy one day, or the world is crashing down on you, sleep. Remember how the next day, the issue with your parents seemed half as bad? This is still the same for 16 year olds.

9) Breathe. Those monks in the Himalayas are on to something. Take some time before you sleep, or if you're feeling stressed, or during the alone-time mentioned above, and just clear your mind and slow your breath. It does wonders. Really.

10) Remember that no matter the problem, you can overcome it. Okay, maybe not overcome it completely, but you can ameliorate the situation. Under no circumstances should you ever end your life or perform self injury, mental or physical. If you need to talk to someone, call the hotlines. For the sake of everyone around you, and yourself. Please.

So those are all of the easy-ish solutions I can think of at the moment. They actually do work; I'm a cynical teenager, and I still do them. That should tell you something. Try them for yourself. Please comment or email if you have one that works for you! You could end up saving lives.

Email me if you need anything at jlazebnik@gmail.com. And,

Stay happy.

:)

Kindness

I think that when you read this blog, it might seem that I'm harsh.

I have no intention whatsoever to be mean. I think it's just useful to state the facts as they are.

However, I can't stress how much kindness means to people who have challenging lives.

When someone comes out of the closet to you, they don't want you to state like a robot: "Well that's perfectly normal because 8% of the population are gay and that's cool and you should tell _____ about it."

No, they want a hug and a congratulations, probably.

Just being nice to someone can completely make his/her day.

Just telling a girl she looks pretty, telling a guy that he's a genius, telling a girl she's a genius, telling a guy that he's handsome can make someone's entire day. It's just a fact.

So I would just like to stress the importance of kindness in general. Because it is fantastic. Like every human being on earth.

Stay happy.

:)

And Tango Makes Three

If you haven't heard of this book, look it up. It is probably one of my favorites of all time.

And Tango Makes Three is a picture book about two gay penguins in a zoo (based off a true story!) that make a nest and can't seem to figure out why they can't make an egg. So, the zookeeper gives them and egg and soon they have a cute little baby penguin (Tango!). They live happily as a family.

Cute, right?

This innocent picture book was the most challenged book in America for two years.

TWO YEARS.

People just weren't comfortable with the idea of a happy gay family of PENGUINS. Imagine how much these people aren't comfortable with the idea of a gay famiy of PEOPLE. It's actually absurd.

At any rate, walk into a Barnes and Noble or somewhere and read it for a little while. It will put a smile on your face, guaranteed. And give it to any kid who is near you to read, too. Let's inspire this next generation to do the right thing.

So enjoy reading, and

Stay happy.

:)

An Interesting, Easy to Read Article

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/c-brian-smith/figure-skating-and-hate-c_b_466567.html?ref=fb=

Can NOT Using Hate Speech Be Hurtful?

Most groups at school, organizations around America, associations on the earth strive for one thing: everyone's equality. BSAs talk about an end of racism, coexist groups talk about peace among religions, and of course, GSAs talk about equality for LGBTQ people.

Ending hate speech seems like a great goal; make people seem more welcome!

Unfortunately, sometimes this has an undesired effect.

Let's say your girlfriend breaks up with you. You'd been going out for 5 years before this, and when she left you it crushed you. When you talk to your friends, often they'll try to skirt the issue, avoiding the topic at all costs.

Sometimes gay people face similar worries. After what was possibly a hard time coming out, friends might try to avoid talking about it no matter what, in an attempt to try to attain your old friendship. This often has good effects, including a reduction of gay slurs, friends understanding you more, and a sweeter relationship.

Sometimes, though, that isn't what you want. What you want is just to have your old friend back, maybe even give or take the hate speech. You know that they didn't mean anything by it, and it wasn't to hurt you by any means. You just want to be able to talk comfortably around the friend that you've known since preschool, that looked out for you, and this new person is very cautious and nervous about making you angry or sad.

I think the important thing is to have a balance. You want the old friend who you threw sand at in 2nd grade, but you also want someone who cares and understands you.

The best way to achieve this, I think, is time. Eventually, the hate speech will smooth out of the dialogue, and they'll probably realize that you haven't changed, either, by coming out of the closet. They will probably be happy to achieve what they thought had left them.

Also, if they are your real friends, they are looking out for your happiness; if you need to, just tell them that you're ok with them misplacing a word here or there, and being a little mean at times. Cause that's realistically what friends do.

And I'm sure they'll tell you:

Stay happy.

:)

Is "No Homo" Hate Speech?

A peer at school asked me this recently--I was surprised to find that I didn't have an immediate answer.

Argument that it isn't:
-It's just telling someone that something you do wasn't meant with homosexual intentions
-You aren't actually using it to insult or make fun of homosexuality
-Everyone says it

Argument that it is:
-By saying it, you are clearly stating that homosexuality must be completely separate from other interactions
-You make people who are gay feel uncomfortable when everything you say is followed by it
-It has a negative connotation.

So is it or isn't it? I'm not sure I can give a direct answer, but here are some thoughts:

I think it's really interesting that especially for guys, basically any show of emotion warns that you could be homosexual. Says something about our society, doesn't it, that whenever a guy says or does something with feeling or emotion, it is likely that he's gay? Gee, that makes sense, especially because apparently girls like sensitive guys...

I would say that one shouldn't say it--there really isn't any reason too. If you are doing something that actually needs it (like making out with some other guy), then maybe you should consider your own sexuality. At any rate, I just feel like it promotes a negative environment. Guys need to man up and show emotion without being ashamed. Which sounds oxymoronic. But you know it's true.

So my consensus is: don't say it. Tell me what you think though--post a comment!

Stay happy.

:)

Gay Straight Alliances

I am a part of the Gay Straight Alliance at my school. There are many things that this organization is called--I've heard Alliance, Friends of Lesbians And Gays (F.L.A.G), and many others. But they all boil down to the same thing.

Basically, GSA is a place where people who support gay rights can meet. At our school, this is basically a few students and a few teachers, with one gay parent at the school thrown in. But it can be anyone.

GSAs serve a multitude of purposes.

Of course, if you are gay and are seeking a safe place where you can talk about your feelings, bingo.

But there is another, more interesting layer.

GSA is, to put it in the words of a member, "what Jerusalem is to the Jews."

Essentially, GSA is a place that gay kids (or faculty for that matter), despite whether they are out of the closet or not, are aware of. And that is unbelievably important.

It's important for those insecure about themselves to know that their school is supportive.

Interestingly, many homosexual kids at our school don't go to GSA. I assume that a) if they haven't come out yet, they don't want to seem at all like they are gay, and are scared of coming; b) just because they are gay, that doesn't mean they particularly pine for gay rights; or c) they have too much work due to my academically strenuous school (we meet at lunch).

At any rate, if you are a kid, start a GSA or join one at your school to show people that there are those out there who care. Because I'm sure that's easy to forget, despite our attempts (see the hate speech article or the bible article, or really any of them for examples of this).

Also, GSA doesn't have to be solemn or depressing by any means. Our GSA had a dessert party-- look at http://www.leewind.org/2009/12/gsa-party-time-why-your-gay-straight.html to see what we did.

And for me, GSA is just a place where I can see and talk to people who really care about others. Which is why you're reading this site, right? Maybe not.

Ah well, even if you don't start a GSA, or don't join one, do me a favor:

Stay happy.

:)

History

Something that continues to fascinate me is the topic of gay rights in history.

As long as there have been people, there have been gay people. I mean, hypothetically there might've been someone else in the ol' Garden of Eden named Lilith. I mean, who's to say Adam didn't have a gay brother? Maybe created out of his...nevermind.

Tchaikovsky, Alexander the Great, Sappho, and many other famous people throughout the ages have been openly, or highly suspected to be gay. For something that is apparently as much a part of history as the music of Tchaikovsky, the battles of Alexander the Great, and the writing of Sappho, why is there no tolerance of it?

I don't know. All I know is that one day, children will look at their history books, see the people who opposed gay marriage, and shake their heads.

Stay happy.

:)

The Right to Choose

I was thinking about my political beliefs, and realizing that most of my principles revolved around a singular ideal:

The right to choose.

I am pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, pro-coexistence of religions...etc.

I think that people should always have the right to choose what they want.

I understand why people oppose abortion- to them, it's killing babies. But I think that forcing a fourteen year old girl who got raped,has an abusive father, and not enough money be a mother to a child is downright awful.

Also, abortion is all about saving that baby's life. What do you think will happen to that baby? He/she will probably grow up with a mother who's in school, possibly end up in a gang, maybe kill themselves...making the whole thing irrelevant.

But I digress from gay rights.

Basically, I fight for the right for gay people to choose to be married. If a law allowing it passes, it does not mean that suddenly all the straight people in the world have to marry someone of the same sex, or even that all gay lovers have to get married.

No, it just gives people the right to choose if they are ready to make that commitment.

Which is completely up to them, in my opinion, to decide.

Thank you for listening to my rants.

Stay happy.

:)

Fantastic Video.